If I were to credit a single person for my goodness and whatever success I have – and indeed I have no success except with Allah and by His Permission – it is no doubt my mother. In order for more blessings to reach her, I want to share some conversations I’ve had with my mother where she enriches me with her wisdom from a life filled with many difficulties and struggles.
Despite being a woman who, since her early childhood years until now, has faced nothing but troubles, struggle and strife, and truly sad difficulties, she has remained the cutest, most peaceful and loving person in my life – and for others. Forever young and smiling, she always focuses and appreciates the small joys and blessings Allah has bestowed upon her, and even finds blessings from her struggles and the struggles of her family. An unbreakable person if I ever knew one, for she lives with God in her life.
This woman, who to many has every excuse to be angry, bitter, vengeful and hard-hearted, taught me with her words and her life the most important lesson of all: to be soft-hearted.
I believe, truly, that the biggest problem of today is the hearts of stone we find surrounding us. We are becoming more and more hard-hearted, more cold, more dead. This can be put down to a number of different reasons – our materialistic mindsets, obsessions with name and status and rank and position, our addictions to the dunya, our arrogance and selfishness, our individualism, and especially our lack of interest in the knowledge of Islam.
My mum says there is something very simple but profound that explains why we are so hard-hearted now. Lack of respect. Losing our good manners. Children don’t know to sit at the table and serve their elders first/wait for their parents to begin eating before they do. Sons are not aware of the importance of having your head down when one’s father is addressing them, to give their dad the respect and status befitting their rank and role as the father (which is God-given). All of these little things don’t seem to have a reason or purpose now because we are disattached from our ways, from our heritage, from our purpose and desire for the akhira. If everything is just about the dunya, and making money and so on, good manners maybe don’t count for so much in the big picture. But for those who care for the akhirah and the condition of their hearts (which our akhirah depends on, for only those with the qalb saleem, or sound heart, shall enter Paradise1), these things are vital.
Why? Manners softens the heart. It breaks the ego. It humbles you. It makes others feel loved and honoured. For my mum, it ultimately boiled down to one simple thing: you earn people’s duas, sincerely. She told me about a small incident at a janazah (funeral) that she attended. She was walking with my aunt who needed some support, so my mum was holding her by the arm as they walked to enter the masjid. As they were walking, my mum noticed an older aunty who was walking very slowly, taking the smallest of steps. As there was a slight incline, the walk seemed too steep for the older lady and she stopped in her tracks. At a standstill, she was visibly struggling to take a further step forward, fearful that she may fall. People walked past her without noticing. My mum noticed. So, with one arm supporting my aunt, my mother (who herself at times needs such support) approached the older aunty and asked how she was and if she would like some support. She thanked my mother and held out her arm, which my mother took. My mother said at every little slow step the older aunty took, she was just giving my mother prayers, making dua with every breath and step for my mother because she was there to give her a hand. My mum said: son, that’s all it takes for Allah to change your entire condition – that’s all it takes for Allah to grant you entry into Paradise. A sincere dua from sincere service.
We are no longer in the business of earning these sincere duas. We are only involved in business. It was my mum’s good manners and her care that made her notice another’s struggle, and her respect for her elders that made her go and aid. The Prophet (peace be upon him) didn’t say that he was sent to perfect good manners2 for no reason; he was teaching us that it is through manners that such duas are earned, ultimately leading to Jannah. He taught that this, combined with the Salah and worship of Allah, is how success is achieved – in both deen and dunya. He also said that dua is the essence of Ibaadah (worship).3 Making dua, and earning them, is what worship and Islam is all about. Why have we forgotten this?
While building our dunya takes time, effort and sacrifice – and we are all willing and able to do so for the sake of our dunya – our akhirah also demands certain things. The beauty of it is that it boils down to very simple things, one of which is just this: be well-mannered, for you never know whose dua you will receive that will earn you the pleasure of Allah, who will then guide your heart and your affairs so that you live your life in the best way, leading to Jannah. Allah instructs us in the Qur’an to enjoin good and forbid evil4 – and there is no greater way of enjoining good than by spreading the message and worship of Allah, bringing people to God’s worship. Don’t you think that getting people to make sincere dua is bringing people to Allah’s worship, since dua is the very essence of ibaadah, thus fulfilling the command to enjoin/spread good? And how easy it is to do this! Just be soft, have good character.
My mother, for me, is living proof of someone living off of the duas she has earned, for I have seen her lose out and give up the dunya in order to make someone feel better. Her manners for her Creator made her supportive and well-mannered to the creation, sometimes choosing to take more difficulty upon herself. Even with something as simple as a nice gift being given to her (clothes, perfumes), she would accept it only to then give it to someone else to make them feel better. Yet, her contentment has only increased over the years, and the duas she has earned are paying off in front of her eyes with her children studying well, getting married, travelling the world, and doing their bit to spread the goodness she taught to us and trying to give her more comfort and care. May Allah bless our mothers.
- Qur’an Surah Ash-Shu’ara, verse 89 https://quran.com/ash-shuara/87-89
↩︎ - Al-Adab al-Mufrad of Imam al-Bukhari, Book 14, Hadith 273 https://sunnah.com/urn/2302710
↩︎ - Jami’ al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 3372 https://sunnah.com/tirmidhi:3372
↩︎ - Qur’an Surah Aal ‘Imran, verse 104 https://quran.com/ali-imran/103-113
↩︎
Seekers' thoughts 
Leave a comment